:D

Today was a total screw up waste of my time. I seriously pissed with myself, i f**king didnt care about how others felt first. What had I done? Try asking and i might tell. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING, THAT WAS NOT FUN IT WAS JUST STUPID. Thinking what if i was in his shoes, what would happen to me? Being left and undone after being jacked, alone and let to fend for himself. What had i done?

IAN, I'M F**KING DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, NEVER THINK BEFORE DOING THINGS.

Not that i want to feel bad for myself but to think that i would have go back on my faith and beliefs. How retard can i be? This was not suppose to happen right? I think life is a bore, there are limited things you can do with it now. But you still have to go with it, go with the flow? yeah something like that. But whatever i said to him i really meant it, because i know how it feels. Seriously it's hard, being played. Listening to "tears falling down" , yeah i understand this song totally. It's always hard please people and being let down. It's hard being like this, i know how you feel.

Sometimes i do think why i have this kind of "mood" whenever i dont wanna have it. At least i'm glad that i have friends there for me. I really love my friends alot, they are the very essences of me. They build me up, building me into a better person. I thank God really for you're guys, my closer friends! If you do read this post, i really meant what i say. ALEXANDER TEE LIANG WEI! YOU'RE ALWAYS MY BEST FRIEND : D NOW AND FOREVER. Sorry i was such a let down when you were in sec 1 and sec 2, i should have set my priority right. To let you know, you made impact in my life. Thank you.

After reading people's blog about how friends are their main part of them, i did started thinking about mine. To those i have neglected i'm sorry too. Sometimes i do forget and leave you behind. I will promise to do my part as a friend (:

I guess putting how i feel into words makes me feel better. But nevertheless i'll still go out, cycle, watch sunrise and do my pretty much thinking there at changi. I havent been a good christian, i havent prayed, i havent read the bible, i havent do QT. It's not really the good christian part, it's my promise to God. What little commitment level do i have, what is this? Shouldnt i give God all the glory with my time? Have been feeling tired, giving bad reasons to God. After listening to "The stand" i started to tear because i know how important God is to me. And being a let down sucks too. The words in the song, "So I'll stand, With arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all , And I'll stand, My soul Lord to You surrendered,All I am is Yours" Woke me up. Not just a normal wake up call. But it was like a horn beside my ear. Loud and clear. I never expected this would happen. Being a christian for so long have taught me alot of things. And i know what should i do.

Anyway sorry for the use of vulgar, i dont usually use it. People who knows me well know i havent really made any decent swears for the past two years.

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So what could I say?
What could I do?
But offer this heart Oh God
Completely to You

*this post was slightly editted by -phoenixfalling-
p.s: sorry for taking the liberty to edit the post ian. i felt that some form of censorship was in hand.Let's keep the rating PG 13 huh? (: